Is Multiversity Responsible for 17 hospitalized so far?

I have a hard time believing it too, but there is evidence to suggest that up to 17 comic fans have been attacked for reading the Ultra Comics issue of Grant Morisson’s Multiversity series that was released on March 25^th. Seventeen cases all across the united states have been reported of several long time comic readers who, after completing their own copies attacked friends, co workers, and even strangers in the local comic shops they were patronizing to stop the comic from “ushering in the gentry.”

The first case, in a popular shop in Erie, PA, started with nothing but some congenial conversation around the check out counter between some repeat customers and the cashier. As one of the customers completed reading his copy, he marched over to the Graphic Novel section of the store, grabbed several large hardcover volumes, and proceded to attack the cashier. When questioned why he didn’t attack his friend who had been standing mere inches from the counter the assailant had this to say,

“_______ is a strict Marvel fan. I knew he wouldn’t be reading it, so it was safe. But ____________ would’ve sold as many copies as customers would come in, and I couldn’t let that happen!”

In New York, New York an entire block was endangered when a trio of comic men set the entire New Arrivals wall on fire in an attempt to remove the supposedly accursed issue from circulation. The store’s owner was hospitalized for smoke inhalation as he was on the second floor taking care of inventory. Luckily, the clerk was able to contact the fire department in time to keep the blaze from spreading beyond those two floors of the building.

On the West Coast, the CDC has actually began to quarantine comic shops and sieze inventory, fearing some sort of bizarre terrorist attack. The issues that have already been sold are being tracked down and seized, while in Kansas City, Kansas the KCPD are offering cash rewards for the iconic issue being turned in, much like the firearm purchases of the nineties.

While many are accusing someone in the printing and shipping department at DC Comics of tampering with the latest installment of their multiverse spanning series, some have begun to question if Grant Morrison has perhaps followed in the steps of Sutter Kane, the horror writing protagonist of the hit nineties movie In the Mouth of Madness.

With 17 hospitalized and no clear source of strange change in the alleged perpetraters state of mind, comic book shipments, which would normally have been received Tuesdays for sale on Wednesday have been postponed pending the CDC and Department of Homeland Security’s investigations.

When contacted, Geoff Johns, the Creative Director of DC comics offered a succinct but meaningful quote,

 “We would never want anything bad to happen to our readers. We understand how loyal they are, since they kept reading after we rebooted with the New 52.”

With all of the controversy, it might be prudent to put that issue in a sleeve with a cardboard back, and let it gain some value as it may be the most sought after, or perhaps avoided, issue of all time.