What If…? Spider-Man Edition

Tangledy-Wangledy

Oh what a tangled web we weave

when first we practice to believe

that every comic book we read

will surely fill that inner need

to help us escape the daily deed

of living and dying like a reed

just bending with the raging speed

of wind and rain and blowing seed

until that day we cease to feed

and watch as life away does bleed.

Our lives are short and time is limited. With this lesson we leave 2013 behind us and venture forward into a  new year of people and events that will continue to shape our lives. We know, from the comic book world at least, 2014 promises some big events. We ask ourselves about what sort of things we will see, what characters will change/die/live/lose their powers or worse, have to team up with Deadpool.

For my last What If column I wanted to address an impending crisis. I foresee a catastrophe of epic proportions on the horizon and it cannot be dealt with in any way without resorting to desperate measures. What is the crisis? What could shake the very foundations of the comic world?

What if Spider-Man titles ran out of adjectives?

We have had Amazing, Spectacular, Scarlet, Ultimate, Astonishing, Superior, Unlimited, Giant-Size, Sensational, Friendly Neighborhood, Avenging, Deadly (Foes), Lethal (Foes), Megalomaniacal, and in the collected books Essential. The universe should be gripped with fear that Marvel would even attempt to launch one more Spider-book… the very notion should strike the fear of Webster into the hearts of all mankind. There are no more good adjectives!

Sure, we can start into the more descriptive adjectives. Smart, intelligent, genius, brainy, pleasant, congenial, jovial, but do any of these really convey the power and responsibility inherent in the character of Spider-Man? Of course not. They can always launch a Volume 2 or 3 or 4 or 5, but it is just not the same as creating a brand new title.

I don’t know how to help, so I turn to you, faithful readers.  Check out our new Facebook commenting system below and fill it with the creamy goodness of your comments. Pour the bubbling champagne of your New Year’s ideas all over the comment box and let us know what you really think about Spider-Man and the myriad titles and versions of this classic comic book icon. Or just come back next week for another version of pointless prattle and stupid things to think about. We have stuff for all kinds here at Comic Booked. I would love to hear your ideas for my column in the coming year.