Top 5 Faceless Minions:
All comic book fans know the rogues, the great villains who place themselves in opposition of our great and beloved heroes. Nearly all of us have forgotten the little guy; the faceless henchmen and organizations that hold up our favorite heroes greatest foes. This list goes out to you, faceless minion and masked goon, for making our villains as dangerous as they are.
Ninja’s themselves are pretty dangerous. I mean, how could the internet be wrong? Many ninja’s our their own super hero; Elektra, Psylocke, Batman, and Dr. McNinja just to name a few. Ninja’s have a strong minion tradition, also. The Foot clan, the Hand, and the League of Assassins all work for more dangerous ninjas. We all know these are some of the most dangerous groups to deal with in their respective comic book universes. They only make the list at number five for one incontrovertible reason; the inverse ninja law. The law states, and I paraphrase, that any group of ninja’s exceeding one, becomes less efficient and more prone to defeat at a direct ratio. In Laymen’s terms the more there are, the less effective they become. Sorry, Shredder, you can’t fight (comic book) physics.
4. Manbat Assassins
Have you ever thought about two of your favorite villains from comics and wondered, “what if they worked together?” Well if you’re villains were Ra’s Al Ghul and Kirk Langstrom from the Batman comics, you got your wish during Grant Morrison’s run on the title. Just before revealing to Batman that they have a son together, Talia Al Ghul introduces him to their new elite unit of the League of Assassins, the Manbats. Permanently mutated into the monstrous half man half bat form that Kirk Langstrom first stumbled upon and then embraced, these guys have all of the training of the League ninja’s, flight, enhanced speed and strength, super hearing, and a screech that can crack stone at close range. I can only imagine that the “Demon’s Head” took a page from the Ninja Turtles; “if you can’t beat him, make mutant animal hybrid of him!” Unfortunately, Ra’s wasn’t up to snuff on his comic physics, and makes just a few too many. Inverse Ninja Law strikes again!
Remember these guys? Basically the green lantern corp 1.0, the guardians of the universe created these babies to be able to keep emotion out of the law and to police all of the sectors of space. Their OS must’ve been Windows 95, though, as a glitch in their logic made them scour the life from space sector 666. Obviously, they were decommissioned, but that didn’t stop cyborg superman from taking them as his own personal groupies during the Sinestro Corp War. Nearly indestructible, as robots from comics have a tendency to be, they also have the ability to drain the power of the spectrum out of at least the Green Lantern rings. Even their concept is evil, spawning the Alpha Lantern projects before the Blackest Night. These guys really make the grade. However, since they really only have abilities that sap Green Lantern’s they couldn’t quite climb the list.
2. the Cardinals (See! Not all DC!)
We are all excited for the goofy, action-packed space opera that is the Guardian’s of the Galaxy. Before they were a movie, they had defeated Annihlus’ Annihilation Wave and Ultron’s power grab for the universe. This, of course earned the legendary heroes an ongoing series. One of the first major enemies the Guardian’s face is the Church of Truth. If you thought the Mega-churches you see on basic cable are bad, imagine a Church that sails between galaxies converting the faithful. The Cardinals are the elite agents of the Church of Truth, utilizing the power of their Faith Batteries (yes, a battery filled with the faith of the church’s members) to make any technique they desire real. This is incredibly powerful, as the Cardinals can stop bullets, set people on fire, and give themselves super speed or strength. I’d say these pious powerhouses have earned their spot on the most dangerous henchmen list.
And here are the most dangerous henchmen in the comic universe. Trained to be batman level combatants and brainwashed into becoming true believers in the employ of the Court of Owls, Talons have been used for centuries to kill the Court’s enemies. Now they have been brought back with Deadpool level healing powers, cold-bomb fail-safes in their necks as if Amanda Waller likes her Suicide Squad on the rocks, and an immunity to pain that would enfuriate Black Mask. Who wants to go up against Un-Deadpools Before getting to the actual targets in a criminal organization? This pseudo immortality makes these guys the scariest contender for “Stormtrooper of the Year.”
Honorable Mention: Moloids
Moloids, for those of you who don’t know, are the creation of Harvey Rupert Elder, the Mole Man. Now, in Marvel continuity, they were relatively harmless from the start, but became an independent and peaceful people living below the surface of the earth. However, Mark Millar looked to the future and they were horrifying. The Moloids had become a force of nature, sinking buildings back into the earth. The way they look, and the way they are described make them not the most dangerous, but certainly worthy of a disturbing thought or two.
So, I know all of you readers have your own thoughts on this. Who did I miss, who did I hit on the nose, and who do you think should’ve made the list?