What If…? Wednesday: Galactus Edition

Schedule changes are awesome! My new day for columns, for those of you who can’t read, is now on Wednesdays. So, every Wednesday you will be able to come right here to Comic Booked and find some zany question that everyone should read, laugh at, and respond to. And laughing is required.

This is bound to be a big week… I mean, just look at that title. It’s got Galactus in it!

We all know Galactus, big purple guy, eats planets. Originally, Galactus was the explorer known as Galen from the planet Taa in another universe. Big explosion, and Galen somehow was sucked into our universe to wait for billions of years to become Galactus and start eating planets for a living. Taking heralds to select the best planets, Galactus has ravaged his way across a universal buffet line, but seems to be always foiled by the puny Earthlings.

Currently, Galactus is wreaking some havoc in the Ultimate Universe. Hopefully this will bring about the end of that universe… it has sort of run its course. Anyway, with Galactus eating New Jersey, and maybe the rest of that universe, this brings me to our big question of the week.

What if Galactus had a stomach ache?

I know, kind of stupid. Oh, well, we are always looking for new writers, so you are welcome to comment on here and we can tell you how you can turn your love of comic books into a fun and exciting way of getting your views and ideas out to the internet through a structured comic book website. Then you can write your own column and people can laugh at your ideas… I mean, laud your great articles.

Anyway, can you imagine if Galactus threw up. How many half digested alien worlds and races would color that technicolor yawn? Skrulls, among many other races, have suffered at Galactus’ hands, er, stomach, so why should Big Purple not suffer from his own stomach? One can only imagine the size of that big porcelain bus that Galactus would be driving. He may even get religion and bow down at the white altar and worship Blaarrrg. I probably should just up-chuck this article. It seems like it is just a sick pool of gross chunks of nothing.

Thanks for hanging on and seeing this joke through to the end. I hope it has at least made you smile and think about this outrageous situation. And, really, who would clean that up? Not me. See you next Wednesday.

Keep asking What If…?